


The Bethlehem Job

by Haywire



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:37:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haywire/pseuds/Haywire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archer and Lana are assigned to an undercover job in Bethlehem. Archer acts like his usual self, and Lana reacts as she usually does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bethlehem Job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Diaphenia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaphenia/gifts).



> Written for Diaphenia as a treat for Yuletide Madness 2013. Enjoy! :)

The sweltering heat was getting to Lana. Driving in an appropriate motor vehicle for the area for their undercover mission meant there was no air conditioning, and the Bethlehem sun was scorching hot. Her passenger side window was rolled down and she leaned towards it as much as she could without blowing her cover.

Archer wasn’t exactly helping things either.

“Lana.” 

She fixed her gaze straight ahead on the road, ignoring him as he drove the car, his window up on purpose, she swore, just to spite her.

“Hey, Lana.” He looked over, smirking slightly.

Gritting her teeth tighter, Lana fought to keep her eye from twitching.

“LANAAAAAAAAAA-”

“WHAT, Archer?” she snapped, turning to face him.

“Eyes on the road, Lana, you never know when someone could get the jump on us.” he said, sniggering as he did so. “Jesus, Lana, come on, is this your first mission or something? Seriously.”

“UGH.” she groaned in frustration. “I swear to god I’m going to rip your lungs out and- wait, where did you get that?!” Lana blinked as she watched Archer lift a plastic bottle to his lips, drinking the precious, cold water inside. Beads of moisture on the bottle’s exterior hinted at how cool and refreshing its contents surely must be, and she would have drooled at the sight had she not already been nearly dehydrated.

“What, this?” Archer took another pull from the bottle, finishing off what was left and then chucking it into the back of the car.

“Hey! I wanted some of that!” Lana reached out for the bottle, watching it bounce and come to a rest, empty, rolling around on the backseat.

“Oh, I didn’t know. And, uh, I drank both of them.” Archer said.

“There was one for _me?!_ ” she yelled.

“I thought you were trying to stay into character! I didn’t want to interrupt you!”

“TRYING TO STAY IN CHARACTER?!” Lana screamed.

“Well not any more obviously, wow. REAL PROFESSIONAL, LANA. JUST GREAT.”

Pulling her hidden revolver from her clothing, she pointed it at Archer’s head, who just as quickly had drawn his own sidearm and had it aimed at her. They both remained silent for a handful of seconds, broken only when Archer snorted and started to chuckle.

“Hey, Lana.”

She kept her gun level and rolled her eyes. “Archer, I-”

“LANA-”

“WHAT IS IT ARCHER?” She cocked the hammer on her gun and moved her thumb to its safety.

“I just realized that we’re… we’re…” Archer continued to laugh to himself, struggling for words. “This is… you’re gonna love this, Lana, swear to god. We’re on the… brace yourself. The highway… to the…”

“Oh for the love of… don’t say it.” she interjected, knowing it was futile.

“The hiiiiiiighway tooooooo the… _manger_ zone.” He looked over at her, lowering his gun and taking his eyes off of the road entirely, eyebrows raised and mouth agape in expectation of her uproarious reaction to his pun. “Right? Right?!”

Sighing, Lana lowered her gun and turned back to face the road. “I hate you, Archer.”

“Eh? Come on, that’s gold, Lana, you’ve gotta agree!” He laughed and started singing in falsetto. “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiighway tooooooooooooo the manger zone!”

“You’re off my Christmas list.” She crossed her arms and frowned, wondering why she hadn’t just shot him.

“What?! Ok, fine then, I’m telling Woodhouse to take you off of my Christmas list too!” Archer scowled and turned his attention back to the road. “You’re such a spoilsport, you know that?”

“...do you get your butler to buy all of your Christmas gifts for everyone?” Lana queried.

“Do you not?” he retorted.

“Let’s just get this over with and go the hell home out of it already.” She sighed and stopped talking.

“Agreed, let’s _try_ to be professional, shall we?” He nodded and gripped the steering wheel.

Archer remained quiet for about ten seconds before he started humming Kenny Loggins, interrupted with a loud bang when Lana finally shot him in the leg.


End file.
